I once had a friend who stepped into the senior pastor role at a large steeple church after serving as the associate. One Monday morning, he got a phone call from a member who was upset that the new associate pastor had—brace yourself—drunk from a plastic water bottle in the pulpit. 😱

Bewildered by the pettiness, my friend called the former senior pastor to ask if he’d ever received calls like this. The reply? “Oh yes, every week. I just never told you about them.”

Maybe it’s because I’m raising four teenagers, but my heart goes out to my friend—and to Moses. As I’ve read through the book of Numbers, I’ve been struck by how often the Israelites, newly freed from generations of slavery, complain. Three times, we hear their whiny refrain: “If only…”

1. “If only we had meat to eat!” – Numbers 11:4
2. “If only we had died in Egypt!” – Numbers 14:2
3. “If only we had died with our brothers!” – Numbers 20:3

Underneath the worry about water bottles was a deeper heart issue. For Israel, each of these complaints revealed a deeper spiritual condition as well. They craved the comfort of the past—even though that past was slavery. They feared the uncertainty of the journey and preferred the predictability of captivity. They despaired when life got hard and would rather opt out than press on.

Why do we love to complain?

Psychologists have noted that one reason people complain is because the brain is negatively biased. Geared for survival, the human brain focuses more on threats than on joys. As one writer put it, “The brain perceives negatives at an approximated ratio of five to one. There is simply more to complain about than there is to be grateful for.”

Gratitude takes effort and intentionality. Complaining is easy. That’s why teenagers are so masterful at it.

The hard part about raising teenagers—or leading anyone, really—is that gratitude is rare. The Israelites weren’t thankful. But God remained faithful. And so did Moses.

As parents and leaders, we’re not called to fix every complaint or win every moment. We’re called to show up, stay steady, and trust that God is doing something deeper—even if no one says thank you.

What I love about Moses is that he doesn’t sugarcoat his frustration. He doesn’t pretend the burden isn’t crushing. He brings it all to God in one of the rawest leadership prayers in the Bible:

“Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? … If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me.”
— Numbers 11:11, 15

Notice: Moses doesn’t explode at the people—he vents to the Lord. That’s a key leadership lesson. He doesn’t stuff his emotions, but he also doesn’t let them spill onto those he’s called to lead. He takes a moment with the Lord to express the fullness of his feelings, regroups, and then re-enters the arena to lead the people once more.