“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” — Proverbs 11:3

A common phrase I hear far too often is, “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.”

As followers of Christ, this can never be our attitude.

At its core, this mindset suggests that when faced with an ethically questionable decision, we should bypass integrity and honesty, simply hoping not to get caught. And if we are, we can then resort to pleading for mercy.

This reduces forgiveness to a manipulative tool.

Recently, I found myself at a crossroads. I could either have the hard conversation and ask for permission or press forward with what I wanted, hoping no one would notice.

My flesh preferred the second option. But the Spirit reminded me that the Lord calls us to live in light and grace. I was surprised by God’s graciousness in that difficult conversation—how He had already gone before me, preparing the way. Had I chosen deception, I would have relied on my own cunning rather than discovering what He had in store.

Seeking permission rather than forgiveness shows that we value the relationship and the other person more than our own desires. True forgiveness is not a loophole to justify selfishness but a reflection of Christ’s love—one that calls us to walk in integrity rather than deceit. It is also an opportunity to extend that same love and respect to others.